I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
