Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
