My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
