yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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