11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
