Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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