its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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