She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
nutella sex= disaster
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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