Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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