Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having hate sex.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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