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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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