I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
