we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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