i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
