and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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