...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize