I hope my margaritas pass through security.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
