they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
