I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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