She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
