I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
