My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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