did you get engaged???
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
you never un-have a 4some
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
