Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
