I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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