He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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