What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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