I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
