So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I need water and some morals
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
