I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
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