can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
