i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
