3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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