Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
