If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize