Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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