I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
