Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
