either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
