I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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