I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
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Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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