There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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