Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
