There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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