If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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