jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
