just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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