I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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