How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
