You work out of a Hotel?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
