If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
