i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
