Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
