She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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