I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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