I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
