I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
