I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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