Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
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i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
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Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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