I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
