There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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