Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
