U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
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