girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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