you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
