ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.