Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.