We won't sleep together?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???