i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
19 People Confess The Craziest Sex Act They’ve Ever Participated In
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
17 People Admit the Worst Thing They’ve Done To a Server
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.