Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
