so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
