So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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