Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
