Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Randomize
