We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
