He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
