are you so shy because you have an std?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
