Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
