moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I understand Curling. That high.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
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I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
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I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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