Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
