I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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