college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
