Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
