Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
