I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
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