wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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