You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
