i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
